You mean nothing to me
by fabgay83
Summary: Quinn has come to the terrifying conclusion that she is in love with Rachel Berry, and is struggling internally with it. Can she deal with unrequited love? Is it really unrequited..?
1. Chapter 1

You mean nothing to me.

Chapter 1

She sits in the back row of the choir room, trying her best to appear to be listening to her friend, but her senses are just too attuned to her.

As soon as she enters the room, she feels the familiar prickle on the back of her neck and her cheeks flush pink. Willing herself not to turn around, she redoubles her efforts, concentrating really hard on what Brittany has to say,

"…and then I told him, the vet says you have to go on a diet, so I'm restricting your diet to only chocolate and cheese strings, but Lord Tubbington…"

She tries, but the temptation is just too strong; she can't help but subtly run her fingers through her hair and glance over her shoulder, her eyes catching those of the object of her affection. Frustrated at herself for giving in so easily, she frowns and a slight scowl appears on her otherwise perfect features. She sees her lips part with a sligh gasp, before her eyes drop to the floor, looking anywhere but at her.

"Quinn, are you listening? As Lord Tubbington's God Mother this is really important."

Quinn turns once more, seeing Rachel now chatting away to Puck, and sighs before joining in the conversation.

She needed to be stronger, she had to hide this. She couldn't be in… no, she couldn't even think about it. Rachel Berry meant nothing to her. Nothing.

It had begun earlier that year. Quinn didn't understand what changed, but where she once saw an obnoxious overachiever she now saw an ambitious young woman. Where she once saw a selfish girl grasping for every solo, now she didn't want to hear anything but that voice.

This was wrong, she knew it. She had tried convincing herself that she just admired Rachel, but Quinn couldn't excuse the way her heart beat faster when she allowed herself to look at her, to take in the way that her chestnut hair fell to her shoulders, or the hope and optimism shining from her warm brown eyes, or the soft curves of her body that her skirts and fitted dresses failed to hide…

Unfortunately for Quinn it was obvious that whatever feelings she did have, they weren't returned. How could they be? Sure, Rachel had called her the prettiest girl she'd ever met, but that didn't really mean anything. As far as she was concerned, she would just have to wait until these feelings went away, nomatter how much it hurt to bury it.

Before she knew it Glee was over and everyone was packing their things together. Shaking her thoughts from her head, she too began to pick up her bag and books, but as she was doing so she noticed that Santana was looking at her strangely, her eyebrow raised just slightly. Ever since Nationals Santana had been doing this every now and again, and every time Quinn felt as though she was being scrutinised. She wished she had never broken down in front of Santana and Brittany; sure they were kind of her friends, but that didn't mean they get to see her in a moment of weakness. Her words that day, when she had said she just wanted somebody to love her, had been the culmination of weeks of confusion. She had a better grip on things now; over the summer she had confronted her demons and swiftly swept them under the carpet.

She gave the Latina a small smile and made sure that her eyes didn't drift to Rachel until Santana shrugged and moved her attention to Brittany. It was a Friday, and as usual Quinn took that moment to drink in everything about the small brunette before she had to go 2 days without seeing her. The weekends were starting to feel longer, and last Sunday she had sat in her room with her finger hovering over the words 'call Rachel' on her iphone screen for a good twenty minutes before she'd taken a deep breath and switched her phone off.

Today as she watched Rachel as she laughed at something that Tina had said she felt the same feeling wash over her. She wanted, no needed, to talk to Rachel. Maybe they could be friends? She wandered over to where Rachel and Tina stood, saying their goodbyes, her heart racing faster with every step. As she came to a stop in front of the two friends Rachel looked at her in surprise.

"Quinn! Is there something that we can do for you? Did you have a question about this week's glee assignment? I can assure you that my knowledge on the area of country rock is quite limited…"

Quinn panicked internally – how could she have just walked over here without thinking it through first? She had no reason to be here. She quickly searched her brain for a quick excuse, coming up blank, and just went with her instinct.

"Actually, Berry, I was wondering whether you wanted to work on something together? We haven't sung together since our Unpretty mashup, maybe we could master country…?"

Rachel was gaping at her like a goldfish. For a moment the blonde thought that she'd actually struck her speechless, but a moment later the brunette seemed to get herself together.

"Of course, that sounds like a great idea. Do you want to get together this weekend?"

The blonde gulped, how did this happen? She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the prospect of spending time with Rachel at the weekend. "Um sure, I'll text you later..?"

"Great" Rachel smiled uncertainly at her.

"Great" Quinn replied.

Great – what was she thinking, maybe they could be friends? Her palms were sweating and her heart was racing a million miles an hour. This wasn't how you reacted to your friends. Not only that, but now she had agreed to spend time with Rachel, alone, singing.

This was not supposed to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Firstly, thank you to everyone for following the story, and for my very first review for a Faberry story! Any feedback is very much welcome, like Rachel and applause I need it to survive **

**So without further ado, here's chapter 2…**

Chapter 2

Quinn was sat in her room, staring at her phone. She seemed to be spending a lot of her time doing that lately. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her chin length hair and growled softly to herself. How hard could it be to send a simple text message? If it was Santana she would've sent it hours ago, it shouldn't matter. Quinn just couldn't believe that she had put herself in this situation, one minute she had been sat in her chair thinking innocent thoughts…about how shiny Rachel's hair was, and how pouty her lips looked…_yes, very innocent thoughts._ The next minute she was standing in front of the one person she had been avoiding looking at for the past hour.

She just couldn't figure out what was going on in her head. For the past few months she felt like she'd been going round in circles. The minute she convinced herself that she didn't have any feelings for the shorter girl she just managed to worm her way back into her thoughts. It was so tiring, Quinn felt like she had barely slept a whole night in months. Maybe if she could just spend time with Rachel and remember how annoying she was, she could forget about this whole feelings thing.

Quinn tapped out a message on her phone and looked at the screen again.

_Hey. It's Quinn. I guess we should meet and talk about the glee assignment this weekend? If you still want to…_

She bit her bottom lip, frowning at the words on the screen. Too needy. She deleted the message, trying again.

_Hey. Still feel like sharing your country expertise with me this weekend? Q_

Hesitating, she read the message a couple more times. Casual, not too friendly. No confessions of undying lo….friendship. Quinn took a deep breath and hit send.

A minute went by, then two. Five minutes later she was pacing the room. Still nothing. Really, what could she be doing, other than waiting for Quinn's text? It wasn't like she had a buzzing social life, this was Rachel Berry we were talking about. A sudden buzzing interrupted her thoughts, and she rushed back to her desk, her stomach suddenly dropping with nerves. She grabbed her phone and opened the new message.

**From Berry (21.19pm)**

_Hello Quinn. I must say I'm surprised to see your text, I had expected that your proposition earlier was some sort of joke. Rachel*_

Quinn felt slightly guilty reading Rachel's message. She wasn't surprised that Rachel doubted her sincerity, with all that the ex-Cheerio had done to her in the past. Sometimes she wondered what sort of person it made her to have enjoyed torturing the brunette for all these years.

**To Berry (21.22pm)**

_Not a joke, I just thought it was time we put our past behind us. Plus you're probably the only one who was listening when Schue gave us the assignment.. Q_

Quinn hesitated for a second before adding a smiley face to the end of her message. She sat on the edge of her bed and waited for Rachel's response.

**From Berry (21.24pm)**

_Thanks for offering the proverbial olive branch, Quinn. I would be delighted to work on the assignment together. Shall we make plans for Sunday? Rachel*_

Quinn smiled to herself slightly at Rachel's choice of words. She was delighted to spend time with her. Just reading the words gave her a warm glow inside. Before she thought things through any further she quickly tapped out a response and hit send.

**To Berry (21.25pm)**

_Sure, come over to my house – anytime after 10.30. Q_

**From Berry (21.27pm)**

_Looking forward to it, Quinn. Enjoy your weekend. Rachel*_

Without thinking, Quinn sent back a quick

**To Berry (21.27pm)**

_You too, Rach _

Quinn woke with a start, her eyes adjusting to the dark as she caught her breath. Another dream, this was the third time that week. Every time it was the same variation on a theme, memories of all of the ways that she had bullied Rachel in the past. The blonde felt her stomach churn with slight nausea as she remembered the look on Rachel's face as Quinn's palm connected with her cheek. Taking a sip of water from the glass on her nightstand, she lay her head back on the pillow and steadied her breathing, remembering.

That slap had been the first time she realised that something was wrong with her. She had looked into Rachel's pleading eyes, and caught herself wondering what it would feel like to hold the smaller girl and assure her that the situation at prom wasn't really her fault. At the realisation she had thrown it back in her face with physical violence, channelling all of her disgust into the palm of her hand.

Quinn glanced at the alarm clock on her nightstand, where the glowing numbers read 4.31am. Knowing from experience that she would never fall back asleep, she turned on her light and picked up her book, opening the well-worn cover to resume where she had left off the night before.

Once it began to turn light outside the blonde dragged herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of jogging bottoms and a grey and red cheerios t-shirt, pulling her hair into a small pony tail and grabbing her earphones. She picked up a banana on her way out of the house, and ate it quickly as she walked with purposeful strides to the park nearby. Throwing her banana skin into the trash, she began some stretches, breathing in the warm air that signalled that spring was gradually turning into summer. The last summer before she got out of this place, before she could move away and stop being Quinn-Fabray-ex-cheerio-slash-teen-mother and just be Quinn.

Once she was fully stretched Quinn plugged in her earphones and selected her running playlist, beginning a slow jog to warm up. She enjoyed running, and the solace that it brought. She loved the burn in her lungs, and the pain in her legs as she pushed herself to the limits. When she ran, she forgot.

Over an hour later Quinn opened the front door and moved to the sink, gulping down a glass of water and wiping the sweat from her forehead. This time she had pushed herself further than she had before, and now she was paying the price. Her phone beeped with a new message and she opened it as she moved through the house to the bathroom to begin her daily routine.

**From Santana (8.04am)**

_Hey bitch. We haven't seen you properly in weeks, what's the deal? Want to hang with me and B today? S x_

Quinn smiled to herself as she read the message, seeing Santana's concern through the bravado. She had no plans for the day, and thought to herself that spending time with her friends would at least be better than sitting around overthinking things.

A while later she arrived at Brittany's house, and was greeted at the door by the bubbly blonde.

"Quinn! I'm so happy you're here" She pulled her in for a tight squeeze, then grabbed Quinn by the hand and dragged her to her bedroom. "Sanny's waiting for us in here, she's helping me with my Spanish."

Quinn smiled to herself, this was what she needed, a bit of normality.

"Hey Q, long time no see" Santana shrugged nonchalantly.

"San, we see each other at school every day…"

"Hmm yeah, but you and I both know that the Q I see at school is very different to the one at home. So – welcome back" Santana shifted up the bed so that they could all squeeze onto the mattress, their backs against the wall. Her attention shifted to Brittany

"So Britts, want to try that phrase again – the one I taught you before Q arrived?" She smiled at Brittany affectionately.

"Yay!" Her girlfriend responded with her usual level of excitement, "Ok… Creo que me encanta mi gato un poco demasiado! What does it mean Sanny?"

Santana laughed to herself at Brittany's perfect diction, despite knowing nothing of what she'd just said. "You said that you love Lord Tubbers very much Brit-Brit"

Quinn giggled to herself, translating the Spanish perfectly and knowing that Santana was lightly making fun of her girlfriend. Her hazel eyes sparkled with laughter and she smiled as she saw Santana and Brittany lightly press their lips together, forgetting that they weren't alone. Quinn wished that she could be that carefree, but it just couldn't be that way for her. Her spirits dropped a little, as she remembered her situation. When she was honest with herself she wanted what her friends had, she just wanted to be happy.

Later that night Quinn was sat at her desk, looking through her itunes. Not many of the glee clubbers knew that she was very much into music, and she had a vast collection. She scrolled through the songs, looking for options for their country assignment. Surprisingly she had quite a variety of country music in her library, she seemed to have an affinity for the genre after listening to her grandparents' country collection when she used to stay with them at weekends as a kid.

She wanted to choose something contemporary but not obviously pop. Taylor Swift was out, as was Carrie Underwood and Lady Antebellum. She hovered her cursor over the next album on the list and clicked play, closing her eyes and absorbing the opening notes of the music as The Civil Wars began to play. Perfect – she could imagine her voice merging with Rachel's on any one of these tracks. Rachel's voice would work perfectly over the simplicity of the music, and Quinn's own voice would be able to keep up with the harmonies. There was one song on the album that just seemed to call to her. When she listened to it she just couldn't help but think of Rachel, and any denial over her feelings for the other girl just seemed to melt away as she listened to the lyrics.

_You only know what I want you to _

_I know everything you don't want me to _

_Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine _

_Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_I always will _

_I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back _

_The less I give the more I get back _

_Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise _

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_Oh I don't love you but I always will _

_I always will _

_I always will _

_I always will _

_I always will _

_I always will _

As the last note faded, Quinn took a shuddering breath and felt a single tear roll down her cheek. When she was alone in her room, thinking of nothing but Rachel, this was how she truly felt about her. It was a constant battle, she didn't want to feel this way but she just couldn't help it. She wiped the tear away and closed her eyes as another tear escaped.

There was no way that she would ever be able to tell Rachel how she felt, so singing this song with her might be her one chance to make peace with her feelings and move on. This was the right song for their duet, she was sure of it. Now she just had to make sure Rachel agreed when they met tomorrow. The lyrics echoed in her mind, without permission, the pain of the situation aching in her chest.

_I always will _

**Edited to add credit for the song lyrics, the song is 'Poison and Wine' by The Civil Wars. I do not own this song, lyrics or have any copyright ownership of any artists mentioned in this chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's taken a little while to update, I've got a vague plan of where I'm going with this, but I haven't written in a long time so bear with me while I get back into the swing of things! I expect this to be at least 10 chapters in all. **

**Thanks to all of the new followers who joined after chapter 2 went up, seeing those alerts brightens my day and motivates me to write more **

**(I don't own glee, itunes or the civil wars….)**

**Chapter 3**

Quinn hadn't slept well at all, tossing and turning all night and finally falling asleep at around 3.30am. Her dreams were full of Rachel again, it seemed as though the more she tried to stop herself thinking about the brunette while awake, the more she haunted her dreams. Usually Quinn's dreams of Rachel revolved around bad memories of the two of them, but this time the hazy quality of her dream was entirely a product of her subconscious. Her dream had ended with her inches from Rachel's lips, her heart thudding with the realisation that they were about to kiss. As she leaned in, she was cruelly ripped from the dream by her alarm going off.

The blonde groaned and rolled over in her bed, pulling a pillow over her head and reaching out a hand to blindly shut the alarm off. She had been so close… Her heart was still beating fast, and as she tried to recall the details of her dream it began to fuzz around the edges until the memory of it disappeared.

She remained in the warm cocoon of her bed, hidden under the covers, as she realised that today was the day. She felt the nerves begin to set in, as her stomach churned at the thought of Rachel arriving at her house later that morning. If she could just manage to behave like a normal human being today then maybe she could start to build a friendship with the brunette. Every time Rachel reached out to her she found herself drawing away and building her walls up, she just needed to learn to be herself and they could be friends. That would be enough.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Later that morning Quinn found herself staring at her wardrobe. Why on earth did she have so many dresses? Nothing looked right, and the pile of discarded clothing was starting to build up on her bed. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her choppy hair. She knew that she shouldn't be stressing about what to wear, it wasn't like Rachel would care. This wasn't a date, it was just two people working on a school assignment together. Eventually pushing her dresses along the rail she pulled out a pair of dark jeans and a light yellow sweater, deciding that as she would be at home all day she might as well be comfortable.

A short while later she was dressed, ready and pacing in the lounge. Her Mum was out at church as usual, so she had the house to herself. Twisting her fingers nervously, she looked at the grandfather clock ticking in the corner of the room. 10.13am, she still had at least fifteen minutes until Rachel would arrive. Suddenly the doorbell rang, and Quinn rolled her eyes – of course she would be early.

She walked to the door and took a deep breath as she reached for the handle, willing herself to appear calm and collected. She opened the door and there was Rachel, bouncing nervously on the doorstep and running her hands down her navy polka dot dress to remove imaginary creases.

"Good morning Quinn, I apologise for being early but I calculated that it would take me approximately 13 minutes to walk from my house to yours but I had to allow time for any catastrophes along the way, such as lost children, stray dogs, earthquakes...thankfully there were none. So here I am."

"Here you are." Quinn rolled her eyes once again at Rachel's adorable explanation. _Not adorable, friends don't find other friends adorable. Focus!_

After a few seconds of silence Quinn realised that she was being rude, and stepped to one side, gesturing for Rachel to follow her inside. As the silence stretched on Quinn started to inwardly panic, as she tried desperately to recall some of the good hostess skills that her Mum had taught her over the years.

"Um… would you like something to drink? Water, juice..?"

Rachel smiled hesitantly and nodded, "Juice would be great, thanks," once again smoothing down her dress as she took in her surroundings nervously. Quinn disappeared into the kitchen, walked over to the fridge and repeatedly banged her forehead on the door, hoping to somehow forget the last few minutes had ever occurred.

"Um…Quinn is everything ok…?" Quinn's eyes snapped open – she had followed her into the kitchen! And she looked like a lunatic! Grimacing at the horror of Rachel witnessing her weird behaviour, she turned to the brunette.

"Are you going to follow me everywhere I go today?" she snapped slightly in defence. Rachel's eyes widened and she looked at the floor.

Quinn softened, "I'm sorry. I didn't sleep very well and I'm not really a morning person at the best of times. Let's start again" Ignoring Rachel's surprised look as she apologised, Quinn took two glasses from the cupboard and poured two glasses of orange juice, handing one to the brunette with a small smile. Rachel returned the smile and followed Quinn up to her room.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Quinn hesitated when they entered her room, before sitting on the edge of her bed. She watched Rachel as the smaller girl looked around the room, taking in the pale green walls and picture frames dotted around. She noticed a photo of the glee club mixed in with the photos of Quinn, Brittany and Santana, and moved in to take a closer look, smiling. The sight of Rachel looking around her room caused Quinn to smile, if they could manage to be friends this time maybe this was a sight she'd see more often.

Rachel moved over to the bookcase, running her finger along the spines of the books.

"I had no idea you were such an avid reader, Quinn" Rachel glanced at her shyly.

"There's a lot you don't know about me. Anyway, there's plenty of time to talk about books, shall we get started on the assignment?"

Rachel nodded and moved over to the bed, perching primly on the edge and folding her hands in her lap.

"So….." the brunette began.

"So…." Quinn repeated, cringing at the awkward atmosphere that had suddenly invaded the room. She took a deep breath and slowly released it, then quickly stood to retrieve her laptop and bring it over to the bed. She scooted slightly closer to Rachel, and set the laptop down on her lap, opening itunes.

"So I hope you don't mind, but I've kind of already picked a song" Quinn looked to Rachel nervously, here eye catching Rachel's chocolate brown ones sparkling at her as she smiled.

"Of course I don't mind," Rachel smiled, reaching her hand out to rest gently on top of Quinn's, "I'm really pleased that you're finding the assignment inspiring. It's always nice to see other members of the club enjoying the music as much as I do."

Quinn froze as she felt Rachel's hand on hers. She knew it was just a friendly gesture but that did nothing to stop the small flutter of butterflies in her stomach. Hoping that she wouldn't hurt Rachel's feeling she slid her hand out from under the soft skin of her hand and started to scroll through her music library, missing Rachel's sad expression as Quinn rejected yet another attempt for her to reach out in friendship.

"Wow Quinn, you have so much music."

Quinn smiled, knowing that this was something that only a handful of people knew about her.

"I do, I love music. I don't have many showtunes on there though," she smiled warmly at Rachel, "but I do love most genres of music, particularly anything with acoustic guitar as I'm learning to play. And film scores, I could listen to those all day…"

She glanced up and noticed that Rachel was looking at her with a strange expression, her mouth half open. Clearing her throat, she continued,

"I also have quite a bit of folk and country music on here, so as I said earlier I've already picked a song. Um…do you know the civil wars?"

Rachel bit her lip in thought, and Quinn couldn't help her eyes from focusing on the quick glimpse of teeth on lip. Catching herself, she looked back at the screen.

"Well I know they won a grammy, but I don't know much of their music…" Quinn smiled at this,

"It's Ok, it's not to everyone's taste. I like them though, and I can play a few of their songs on my guitar..." Quinn blushed slightly at this admission. "Do you want to hear the song that I picked out? It's called 'Poison and wine'. Hopefully you'll like it."

Rachel fidgeted on the bed for a second, tucking her legs up under herself and getting comfortable.

"Yes, Ok, I'm ready"

Quinn chuckled slightly at this, _Rachel getting ready to absorb new music was so cute… _

"Are you sure you're ready?" she teased.

"Yes, ready" Rachel repeated seriously.

Quinn handed Rachel a lyric sheet and then clicked play on 'poison and wine', leaning back on one arm, nerves suddenly overtaking her as the first chords began.

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Rachel as she closed her eyes and listened carefully to the song. Sitting next to the brunette, listening to the song which reminded her of them so much, was almost too much for Quinn. She felt a strange emotion rise up within her, and she swallowed hard, forcing herself to focus on the song.

It seemed like every lyric meant something to her, as she listened she couldn't help but let her thoughts run away from her.

**You only know what I want you to **

**I know everything you don't want me to**

Quinn thought of all the times that Rachel had tried to get close to her, but she'd kept her guard up. For so long now she hadn't wanted the other girl to get close to her, and it was only now that she was beginning to realise why. She also knew that if Rachel had her way she would know everything about her, even the things that she kept hidden away from everyone else.

The song continued and Quinn watched Rachel, still sat with her eyes closed, drinking in every millimetre of her while she was so close.

**The less I give the more I get back**

She thought of all those times they had argued, and Rachel had forgiven her. It was so clear that all Rachel wanted was a real friend from the hopeful and desperate look in Rachel's eyes whenever she reached out to her. Quinn had tried her best to not get close to the brunette, but no matter how hard she tried to distance herself Rachel always came back for more.

**I don't have a choice but I still choose you**

The blonde took a shaky breath as she heard this lyric. This one line summed up everything that she was feeling at the moment. She didn't have a choice in how she felt. She would do anything to make this go away, she had hoped and prayed so hard that this wasn't happening to her, but she couldn't help how she felt for the other girl. She was coming to the horrifying conclusion that it would always come back to Rachel, she would always choose her.

**Oh I don't love you but I always will**

Quinn felt the tell-tale ache in her throat, and she knew that if she wasn't careful she might cry infront of Rachel Berry, of all people. Love. Was this really what she was feeling? For months now she couldn't think of anything but Rachel, and when she allowed herself to look at her, her brown eyes cast down at the lyric page, she felt an overwhelming rush of affection for her.

The song came to an end and there was a second of silence before Rachel turned to Quinn.

"This is a great choice of song, Quinn, I can't wait to start working on these harmonies." Quinn smiled and nodded, agreeing with her. But the smile dropped from her face when she heard the rest of Rachel's words;

"It's so mature of you to choose a song for us to sing that I can so clearly relate to from my experiences with Finn."

That, she was not expecting.

**Reviews are welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it's taken so long to post chapter 4, I started the first half of this a couple of weeks ago and then life got very busy! I've already started chapter 5 so hopefully you won't have long to wait. As always, please read and review :)

_**Previously…**_

_Quinn felt the tell-tale ache in her throat, and she knew that if she wasn't careful she might cry infront of Rachel Berry, of all people. Love. Was this really what she was feeling? For months now she couldn't think of anything but Rachel, and when she allowed herself to look at her, her brown eyes cast down at the lyric page, she felt an overwhelming rush of affection for her. _

_The song came to an end and there was a second of silence before Rachel turned to Quinn._

"_This is a great choice of song, Quinn, I can't wait to start working on these harmonies." Quinn smiled and nodded, agreeing with her. But the smile dropped from her face when she heard the rest of Rachel's words;_

"_It's so mature of you to choose a song for us to sing that I can so clearly relate to from my experiences with Finn."_

_That, she was not expecting._

**Chapter 4**

There was a moment of silence while Quinn felt her heart smash into a million pieces. She didn't think it was even possible, but it hurt. Finn. Of course it always came back to him. That ridiculous, uncaring, lumbering oaf. She scowled at the thought of him, and was then snapped out of her thoughts by a warm hand laying over hers.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought him up."

She looked at Rachel, who was watching her carefully while her bottom lip quivered gently. Quinn took a deep breath.

"It's OK. If we're really going to be….friends…then we need to deal with this stuff."

"Friends?" She could see the brunette roll the word on her tongue as though it was alien to her.

"Yes friends. I think we could be, if you want to?"

The blonde watched the brightest smile light up Rachel's face, before she was grasped into a hug. She took in the warm body pressed against hers, and closed her eyes, savouring the moment. After a short moment they separated and Rachel nodded in agreement.

"I think that could work. I'm sorry if my comment was insensitive, it's just that as I listened to the song I thought of all the times I chose him over my friends. To be honest, I've often regretted my actions. All I really wanted was to be friends with you."

Quinn smiled at the other girl's honesty. "Me too."

The blonde fidgeted slightly on the bed, moving the laptop to one side so that she could face Rachel.

"Do you think we should try running through the song? I've already marked on your lyric sheet which lines I think each of us should take. It's not too long and it's quite simple, so I'm sure your musical ear can pick it up quite quickly."

Rachel smiled again, "On one condition."

Quinn gulped as she heard the tone of Rachel's voice drop, and cursed herself as her voice broke slightly "…Yes?"

"You accompany us on your guitar."

Quinn blushed at Rachel's words; she couldn't believe she'd already told the brunette that she was learning to play. She wasn't even any good, as she was pretty much self-taught, and now she'd somehow set herself up into playing in front of the one person she knew with extensive musical knowledge. There was no going back now, and if doing things that Rachel wanted meant that she spoke in that voice then all the better.

"Um, OK, but I'm not very good." She got up from the bed and walked over to her wardrobe, opening the door and pulling her acoustic guitar out from the back of the cupboard. She sat back down and strummed her fingers along the strings gently, trying to get her nerves together.

She had sat in this spot and played the song by herself, thinking of Rachel. Now she was sat here with the other girl, and for a horrible moment as she felt Rachel's eyes watching her movements she couldn't remember any of the words or chords of the song. Blushing again, she cleared her throat and looked down at the guitar, focusing on where her fingers lay.

"Ready?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

After they had run through the song a couple of times it started to get easier, Quinn wasn't quite so attuned to the lyrics and once her fingers got used to the chords of the song again she gained more confidence in her ability to play. She still had a couple of hiccups here and there, but overall she was happy with her performance. Rachel on the other hand – Rachel was spectacular. When she wasn't looking at her guitar Quinn couldn't help but watch Rachel sing, the way that she put everything into the words, even when she wasn't performing for a full audience, was mesmerizing. As for Quinn, her personal feelings about the lyrics meant that her voice rang out with a vulnerable edge, her soft voice perfectly complimenting Rachel's.

As they both sang the final line together for the third time, Quinn put down her guitar.

"You're so talented, Quinn," Rachel began hesitantly. "Why do I suddenly feel as though I don't know you at all?"

Quinn allowed herself a small smile. "You only know what I want you to know"

"Maybe we can change that?" the brunette offered with a shy glance.

"I'd like that a lot. Do you maybe want to…stay for lunch? We can talk; try out this thing I've heard of called 'friendship'?" Quinn teased with a smirk.

"I'd like that" Rachel breathed, eyes sparkling.

Quinn had never been more grateful for her Mother's insistence at learning all the skills that a good housewife should excel in. Though she didn't know much about the vegan diet she knew the basics, and before she knew it she was serving up a thai vegetable stir fry, the enticing aroma wafting around the kitchen.

Rachel had watched her in awe as Quinn had moved masterfully around the kitchen, tossing coriander in with the aromatic vegetable mix and mixing a dash of coconut milk into the wok. The brunette raised her fork to her lips and took an eager bite, moaning slightly as the flavours exploded in her mouth.

"Wow"

"I know, I'm good right?"

Rachel nodded quickly and went back to her food, quickly devouring the whole plate. Quinn watched with amused interest, and a glowing sense of pride.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

After lunch they went back to Quinn's room, and she put some background music on, settling on the bed next to where Rachel already sat. Rachel smiled shyly at the blonde,

"So…. Favourite colour?"

Quinn laughed, confused. "Um..green…why?"

"Because if we're going to be friends I want to get to know you, the real you!" Rachel looked excited at the thought.

"And knowing my favourite colour will help? OK…. Favourite musical?"

"You can't ask me that! If there's one thing you shoulds know about me it must be my favourite musical!"

Quinn laughed at Rachel's expression, placing her hand on the brunette's thigh without thinking and smiling indulgently "Of course I do! I haven't been in glee with you for three years without learning that Funny Girl is your favourite."

Rachel smiled in return, moving her hand onto Quinn's which still sat on her thigh. Quinn gulped, blushing lightly and hoping that Rachel just thought she was this touchy-feely with all of her friends.

"Thanks Quinn, that means a lot. Ok, well as we seem to know the obvious things about each other, let's start again. What's your favourite childhood memory?"

Quinn glanced down at her lap, moving her hand from Rachel's and clasping her hands together. Tension filled the room as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Well… I didn't really have the best childhood really, while the Fabrays may have looked like the perfect family to others we didn't really have a lot of fun family times at home. My…Dad…he was more concerned with church and us being on our best behaviour. But one summer when I was about six or so I read 'The lion, the witch and the wardrobe' and I was convinced that Narnia was a real place. There was one whole weekend when my neighbour and I played out in our garden and pretended that we were on an adventure on our own…. It sounds silly now, but I think that was the only time that I was ever carefree as a child. Of course my Dad came home and caught us, and sent my neighbour home saying that she was a bad influence on me. But at least I had that one weekend…" the blonde shrugged, looking back up at Rachel and catching the look of sympathy in her eyes.

"Quinn…"

"It's Ok," Quinn interrupted, "It was a long time ago, I don't need your sympathy."

Rachel nodded, accepting that Quinn wasn't the type of person to talk about these things easily.

"What about you…favourite childhood memory?"

"Um…I guess for me it was winning my first competition, seeing my Dads so proud of me. I didn't really have any friends, even when I was in pre-school, so they filled that role for me. Seeing how happy it made them to see me succeed just drove me even more. Even at the age of four."

"You have friends now, Rach," Quinn interjected, seeing the slightly sad look on the singer's face.

"Maybe…" Rachel shrugged.

"No. You do." Quinn smiled, bumping her shoulder against Rachel's affectionately.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A few hours later, the two were sprawled along opposite sides of Quinn's bed, Quinn stretched out with her feet by Rachel's head and vice versa. They had talked and talked, and over time they had opened up to each other a bit more. Quinn wasn't sure she had ever talked to any of her friends like this, like really talked.

With Santana there had always been too much competition to really have a heart to heart, in the back of her mind Quinn was always aware that if she revealed a deep dark secret then Santana may use it to fight her way to the top again in the future. And Quinn had plenty of deep dark secrets, the darkest of which was lying next to her and stretching her arms out right now, yawning discreetly.

"Tired?"

The other girl hummed in response and closed her eyes. Quinn couldn't help herself from taking the sight in, her heart fluttering in her chest. She was just so damn cute.

"Maybe you should head home Rach?"

The other girl sat up in alarm, "But our duet?"

"Doesn't need to be performed until the end of the week. We have plenty of time to practise, maybe you could come over again tomorrow after school?"

Rachel smiled, "I'd like that. I can already tell you're going to be a great friend, Quinn."

Quinn smiled in response, and then helped to gather Rachel's things together for her. As she waved goodbye to the other girl from her doorstep she sighed to herself; if a great friend was all she was destined to be then that would be enough…it had to be enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here comes chapter 5 Thanks for reading everyone, every time I see my hits counter it just amazes me! *Whispers* reviews are also very welcome…**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter…**

**Chapter 5**

Rachel had left some time ago, and Quinn was lazing across the sofa, thinking back on the day and smiling to herself. Ok, so the plan had been to remind her of how annoying Berry could be, so that she could get over these _feelings _that she'd been having. But instead spending time with Rachel had only shown her why she was worth getting to know better.

Spending the afternoon shooting questions back and forth with each other had been fun. There was so much that she didn't know about the other girl, and it was kind of nice to share some things about herself. Quinn had never been much of a sharer, but with Rachel it almost seemed harder to hold the words in than to let them out.

She was brought out of her thoughts as the front door slammed, shattering the silence. She immediately felt on edge, knowing from experience that a slamming door wasn't a good sign. She heard the click of her Mum's heels on the kitchen floor, then the sound of the fridge opening and the tell-tale clink of a wine bottle and glass. Quinn sighed and walked into the kitchen, finding Judy propped up against the kitchen counter, haphazardly pouring a glass of wine and missing the glass slightly. The younger blonde took in her Mum's appearance; to an outsider they may not notice anything out of the ordinary, but she could see the glaze in her eyes and the smudged mascara which told her this wasn't the first glass of the day.

"You're drunk," she hissed, scowling at the turn that her day had taken.

Judy raised her eyebrow and took a sip of her wine. "Don't take that tone with me, young lady, I'm the adult here."

Quinn scoffed at her statement, knowing that she had been forced to do a lot of growing up over the last couple of years, especially since her Dad had left and the reality of being a divorcee took its toll on her Mum.

"I'm sorry Mum, I'm just surprised that you've been drinking. I thought you were with your Church group today?"

Judy took a longer sip, stumbling slightly as she pulled out a chair at the table and sat down.

"I was, then I ran into some ladies from the bridge club and we went for a long lunch."

"Liquid lunch, more like," Quinn mumbled under her breath, but unfortunately her Mum heard her.

"Yes, Quinn, maybe I had a few drinks today. You can't blame me when all I have at home is you, my delinquent daughter. If it wasn't for you and your heathen ways I'd have a lot more waiting for me here," she snapped, eyes blazing. Quinn felt her heart drop, her guilt for her family situation causing an ache to take hold in her chest.

"That's right, you should look upset. Your Father was my life and you ruined everything!" The older blonde drained the rest of her glass, slamming it back down on the table. "In fact, I don't want to see you again tonight, I'm going to bed." She stood shakily and picked up her glass and the rest of the bottle, before storming out of the room.

Quinn felt tears prick her eyes as her Mum's words echoed in her head. She had ruined everything. Not only had she gotten pregnant at 16, she'd caused her Dad to leave and her Mum had never been the same again. Now she could be making it even worse, by falling for another girl. If she didn't get over these feelings, and she shamed her family again, she would never forgive herself.

After calming herself for a short while Quinn made herself a grilled cheese sandwich and carried it to her room, sitting on the edge of the bed and eating her dinner quietly. After she was done she chose a playlist on her ipod, plugged in her headphones and lay down on her bed, her arms resting under her head while she stared at the ceiling. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she recalled her Mum's words.

How could the day start so amazingly, and end like this? Was this her punishment for getting pregnant as a teenager, was she being punished? It had been a while since she had prayed, but that night she lay in the dark with her hands clasped together, desperately wishing for this all to go away. If she could just be strong enough, and not be tempted by Rachel, then she wouldn't have to disgrace her family once again.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

As her alarm went off she woke with a start, slamming the alarm clock off with one hand and running the other across her clammy forehead. Another bad dream, but this one had been different from the others. Instead of dreaming about the things she had done to Rachel in the past, she had dreamed about what could happen in the future if she let things escalate. She couldn't help but remember the look on her Mum's face as she threw her out of the house again, the disgust and shame radiating from her.

Quinn took a deep calming breath and tried to forget the dream, dragging herself out of bed and getting ready for school. As she walked to school her mind flashed back to not only her dream, but also her Mum's words the previous evening.

The blonde opened her locker and pulled out the books that she needed for her first two lessons, placing them in her bag before closing her locker door and looking up. At that moment she saw Rachel turn the corner, and she was walking her way. After her realisation the night before that she couldn't risk shaming her family again, she didn't know how to handle spending time with Rachel now.

She quickly opened her locker back up and pretended to be engrossed with something inside, ignoring Rachel as she continued past and missing the hurt and confused expression on the other girl's face. After she was sure that Rachel was gone Quinn closed her locker and left for her class in the opposite direction.

The rest of the morning continued in the same vein; Quinn successfully avoided Rachel between classes, and refused to make eye contact during history despite the brunette's best efforts. She made it all the way until lunch, when she was headed down the corridor and suddenly Rachel was walking towards her. The blonde's eyes widened and she quickly turned around, heading towards the girls bathroom.

"Quinn Fabray, don't even think about it!" Rachel's voice stopped her in her tracks. Knowing that she had no choice she slowly turned around, taking in the fiery look in Rachel's eyes and determined pout on her lips. She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow, trying her best to appear nonchalant.

Rachel seemed to hesitate as she took in Quinn's posture, her bravado faltering. "Quinn, where have you been all day?"

"What's it to you, Berry?" Quinn shrugged.

Rachel looked confused, "Well…I thought that after yesterday we had decided to be friends. But now you're avoiding me."

Quinn sighed, feeling bad that her avoidance had clearly upset the other girl. She was just so unsure how she should proceed; there was no denying her feelings for the other girl, her pulse was quickening and her palms were clammy just from standing this close to the brunette. She realised how long she had been standing in silence when Rachel shuffled her feet and looked down mumbling,

"And now you're just completely ignoring me. I knew it was too good to be true."

Quinn simply bit her lip, not knowing how to answer her. After another minute of silence Rachel walked away without another word, and Quinn didn't know which part was more heart-breaking; that Rachel didn't think she was worth more than to be treated like this, or that she would never be able to tell the other girl how she felt.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

After school was finished Quinn walked straight home, dropped her school bag at the door, changed out of her clothes and was out running within five minutes. As her feet pounded against the pavement and her lungs burned she felt some of the stress of the day fading, but she still couldn't get rid of the constant guilt following her actions today.

She couldn't imagine how Rachel had felt being ignored all day, when they had finally gotten over their differences the day before. She felt so petty, and like she had regressed back to her old self. It was so easy to retreat back into her shell, but there was no escaping the fact that no matter how much she tried to ignore her she still couldn't stop thinking about Rachel.

She turned the corner into the park and started to take laps, her feet hitting the ground at a feverish pace as images of the other girl assaulted her senses. Part of her wanted to just forget about her family and their expectations, and spill her guts to Rachel. But what was the point? The other girl had made it clear on multiple occasions that all she wanted was to be her _friend. _

After circling the park a few times Quinn jogged her way home, completely exhausted but feeling a bit less frustrated. As she trudged up the driveway to her house she noticed someone on her doorstep. As she got closer she could make out the features of the person sat staring glumly at the ground.

"R-Rachel..?" Quinn spluttered out. "What are you doing here?"

Rachel looked up and smiled hesitantly, before standing and smoothing down her skirt.

"I came to rehearse our song, like we planned."

Quinn cursed herself inwardly, she had completely forgotten about that. Wiping the sweat from her forehead she grunted in displeasure, this was all she needed.

"Not now, Berry" She turned the key in the lock and entered the house, walking to the kitchen and pouring a glass of water. Gulping it down, she was surprised to hear footsteps behind her.

"What happened since I left here yesterday, Quinn? Was it all some sort of trick?" Quinn had never heard her voice so small. Quinn shook her head, but didn't say a word.

"If it wasn't a trick then what changed? Even if you've decided that you don't want to be my friend anymore then we at least have to rehearse our song."

The thought of singing with Rachel again filled Quinn with dread; she was just in too much of an emotional state today to cope with this.

"I can't," her voiced cracked.

"But _why?_" Rachel's chocolate eyes bore into hers, and she took a step closer.

"I just can't" Quinn repeated, and she gulped as Rachel stepped into her personal space.

Rachel looked at her, _really _looked at her then. Quinn was suddenly very aware of how shallow she was breathing, and she blushed as she realised that her pupils were probably completely dilated and she was still all hot and sweaty from her run.

Then, Rachel nodded once and took a step away,

"OK"

Quinn was surprised to see her back down so easily, but she wasn't about to complain.

Rachel chanced a quick smile and then left the house. As she shut the door behind her, Rachel's thoughts were whirling around her mind. She knew she was missing something, she just couldn't figure out the expression that she had seen on Quinn's face.

The question was; what was Quinn hiding?

**R & R? **


End file.
